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members present:
Monte Williams
Chris Kyle

conducted on:
June 2002

by: Natalie Kuchik
official website


PZO: Tell us about your favorite memory and why?
Chris: You better start with that one buddy.
Monte: My favorite memory probably was getting asked out by Rosanna Arquette.
PZO: When?
Monte: I was working at this place, this place called Territory and she came in and everyone knew it was her, and I didn’t think it was her. So everyone was too freaked out to help her out or whatever. So I was, “Man that’s not even her. I’ll go help her.” So I helped her shop or whatever, and when she went to pay she paid with a credit card, and I was like, “Oh, it is her.” I got all nervous and finally she was like, “So when do you get off?” and all that stuff. I declined because I was too nervous to hang out with her.
Chris: I don’t have any memories nearly that cool. My best memory was getting whipped by my dad when I was two. <everyone laughs> Good memories would be Christmas day opening up my first KISS record. I don’t know if that is the best memory, but it’s the best one I can think of off the top of my dome.

PZO: Is there a song that has changed your life in any way?
Monte: Yeah, I would say the song that changed my life would be “Percision Auto” by Superchunk. For some reason when I heard that song everything changed for me.
Chris: Wow that’s a great song. Lets see, “Wind beneath My Wings” was a moment in my life where I realized I could fly, and no one was going to hold me back. <everyone laughs> Honestly, I would probably have to go back to KISS because when I first heard KISS then, I realized I was still going to be playing when I was a grown-up man.

PZO: What’s your creative outlet?
Chris: Monte is a knitter; he started a knitting club in Austin. <everyone laughs>
Monte: What’s my creative outlet?
Chris: Cook.
Monte: Yeah, I am a really, really, really good cook. I don’t know about good cook, but I make weird, weird shit.
Chris: He is awesome; he is like the chief of the indie rock world. If you guys only knew.
Monte: I’m like the iron chief of indie rock.
PZO: What’s the best thing you can make?
Monte: My best dish is Manicotti.

PZO: What’s the most uplifting quote you can think of?
Monte: The most uplifting cloat, quote, cloat. <laughs> Lets see, “This is the first song on our new album.” <everyone laughs>
Chris: “You are the wind beneath my wings.”
PZO: Okay,. lets move along. Do you want to move along?
Monte: Yeah, yeah I am trying to remember. Cheap Trick said that.
Chris: Yeah, yeah, Robin Zander circa 1978.

PZO: Is there anything you have to be the best at?
Chris: That we personally have to be the best at?
PZO: You, individually.
Chris: That we want to be the best at, or we just have to?
PZO: In your mind you have to.
Monte: These questions are getting deep. Lets see, I think I have to be the best, I don’t know.
Chris: You have to make the best Manicotti.
Monte: Yeah. I don’t know I am not really the best at anything I am pretty laid back. I run a close second to everything that I do, I kind of half-ass.
Chris: We thrive on our half-ass do attitude. <everyone laughs> We find a place in the middle where we don’t have to be the best, but we are not the worst, but it looks pretty good to other people. We only impress the worst. <everyone laughs> Most people are mediocre or lower, so we look pretty good. Honestly.

PZO: Are you guy’s sweethearts?
Monte: Chris is a sweetheart; I’m sort of a cock. I mean a dick, I mean never mind. I think we are sweet guys.
Chris: Mark the bass player is probably the sweetest guy in the band. If any guy is sweet, that guy is pretty sweet.
Monte: But he is also sweet as in more south park terms, more you know sweet.
Chris: I’m the only one that, well no two of us actually has German blood, so we are actually Schatzi’s but that’s about as close as we come.

PZO: You're playing with The Impossibles for one of their farewell shows; do you think they'll just end up getting back together again later like last time?
Chris: Yeah actually we already said they are planning their next reunion for mid 2003. They are going to let this die out for a while, start a couple of side projects and then, is it July we talked about?
Monte: Yeah, July 2003 they are going to come back with the reunion tour.
Chris: They already have the album recorded they are just going to keep it under wraps you know.
PZO: Are your serious?
Chris: I am totally lying. <everyone laughs> But I don’t think they can come back again. If they come back again it will look like they are just dying for money or something. I don’t want them to break up, but I think they are probably done.
Monte: But with good luck and hard work I think they will be back together.
Chris: And I think their new bands will be awesome.
Monte: Yeah.
Chris: I really don’t think they are going to fail. I’m not just saying that.

PZO: Would you say some bands that are out there now have influenced the image of your band?
Chris: I don’t think we have an image, what is our image? Do we have an image? I think our image was formed by Wayne Coyne From the Flaming Lips.
Monte: Yeah.
Chris: Because he has no image at all, just this goofy guy that has been playing music for 20 years.
Monte: We are big geeks.
Chris: I think if geek is an image, then that is our image. <everyone laughs> I don’t think we are close to having any form of an image. Monte has kick ass hair though, that’s the coolest thing we have going for us.

PZO: In your opinion, what is the most important thing to get out of life?
Chris: Straight up cash as much as you can get.
Monte: If you have money you have everything.
Chris: If you had money you could do whatever you want man.
Monte: You have the prettiest girls; you have all the cool drugs, all the cool clothes.
Chris: You can pay off the police. <everyone laughs> So what was the question again?
PZO: In your opinion, what is the most important thing to get out of life?
Chris: The only thing that you want is to be happy and do what you love to do. There is nothing else that is the only thing that counts.

PZO: Which band do you wish would break up?
Monte: Creed. <everyone laughs>
Chris: That would have to be my choice too. There are a lot of other bands, but that would be probably be a signal to the world that all the other bands either have to kill themselves or break up within a month. Or stop getting perms. Nickelback would be a close second I would say. Stop whining and moaning and thinking that your lyrics are really important to society.

PZO: What's something mean you'd like to do to someone, but never had the guts to?
Monte: I have always wanted to pick someone up and take them really far from where they were supposed to be and then drop them off and take off. But I have never had the guts to do it.
Chris: Hey, you did that to Jeff last year.
Monte: Oh well. I want to do it again. I have not had the guts to do it twice.
Chris: I have always wanted to mix about a quarter of super glue with somebody’s shampoo. <everyone laughs> Or nair, replace nair in somebody’s avida bottle, but I have not tried that yet. There is nair for men now have you seen that?
PZO: No.
Chris: They have nair for the man. It kind of looks tougher you know, masculine product marketing.
Monte: It has the scent of brute 33. <everyone laughs>
Chris: So you just slip it under your arm pits I guess, and you chest hair and back hair. Gross stuff. I haven’t actually tried it, but I hear it’s good.
PZO: Maybe you should.
Chris: I don’t have enough, I have a little back hair, but I don’t have enough to nair it yet. Probably within five years I will.
PZO: You know you could grow a beard, then nair it off.
Chris: I could just nair it off. You know those guys that have those beards and it comes down and connects with their chest hair.
PZO: Ewe that’s disgusting.
Chris: Don’t you hate it when that happens?
PZO: I have never seen that happen, and thankfully I haven’t.
Chris: Well, Robin Williams is kind of like that kind of guy.
PZO: Oh, really hairy.
Chris: Gorilla style, like they just don’t know where to stop shaving. Might be here, <points to top of chest>, might be here <points to lower part of chest> where do you stop.

PZO: Do you think this is the perfect time/era for schatzi to come out in or was their another period of time you think would have been better (you can go back into time on this)?
Monte: If we could of came out in like ’78 we would be fucking huge right now.
Chris: If we could of come out, well actually like a year before Cheap Trick came out we would of rocked the world. No one would know where the rock was coming from. I also think if we would of come out in San Francisco in ’68 in the whole hippie era, our music would of gone over really well I think. <laughs> I’m just kidding.
PZO: <laughs> Okay, I can’t tell if you are just joking.
Chris: We are pretty dry.
PZO: I can tell.
Chris: I mean we are all kind of hippies; we all wear sandals and we are from Austin a kind of hippie town. I’m just kidding we are really not hippies.
Monte: We are not hippies.
Chris: But we know some. We have a guy with dreadlocks in the band though, does that count?
PZO: <shakes head no>
Chris: O.k. I mean he looks like he would be kind of a beatnik hippie type, but he’s really like this hard core punk rock type he’s really nuts. You would never think that he was. <laughs>
PZO: How did we get on the subject of hippies?
Chris: I don’t know it’s a good subject though. Heck. Austin has quite a few of those.

PZO: Who's the most famous person you have programmed on your cell phones?
Monte: No one is programmed in our cell phones, but one time Al Jourgensen, we were supposed to play a show at the Electric Lounge in Austin. Which isn’t there anymore the place burned down. We were supposed to play a show and he decided that he needed the club that night so he cancelled the show. Because he is Al Jourgensen he can cancel anyone’s show. He did it by calling us and he was like, “Uh yeah can I speak to Schatzi?’ He did it on the machine and he was just like, “Yeah this is Al Jourgensen from the Ministry.” Like we wouldn’t know where he was from. Like we would think he was from K.C. and the Sunshine band or something. He so he was like, “Yeah this is Al Jourgensen from the ministry you guys aren’t playing tonight I need the club, so your shows been cancelled. If you have any questions call Electric Lounge.” I thought it was a joke so I went over to the caller ID and I looked at the caller ID and his name was on there. It said Al Jourg. <everyone laughs> I was like, “Dude, Al Jourgensen called our house.”
Chris: Don’t ever delete that. We’ve got to unplug that so it won’t get erased. Who else famous called our caller ID? There was someone else. Never mind I can’t figure it out. Paul Stanley or somebody.

PZO: What question have you been dying to have an interviewer ask you, and could you answer it for us?
Monte: My question would be Kirsten Dunst asked a person to ask me to marry her. And of course my answer would be yes. But that’s a question no one has really asked me yet, but I think it will happen in the near future.
Chris: She’s going to ask me to ask him, and that would be my question.
Monte: I saw Spiderman; I saw the way she was looking at me. <laughter> I think she wants me. It sounds funny, but I think it is really true.
Chris: I think she has the Schatzi record too.
Monte: Yeah.
Chris: You know she probably has it by now.

PZO: If you were a spokesperson for a company what company and product would u pick?
Monte: I would probably want to be the spokesperson for Whamo; and the product would probably be silly putty.
Chris: That’s a tough one. What would be my best endorsement?
Monte: I think your best endorsement would probably be Briggs lawnmower. <laughs> Or John Deer.
Chris: John Deer would be good, or Mac Truck. The more we tour the more I start feeling like I’m a trucker. Like you start going into truck stops, and laundering the aisles looking at light replacements and logs for mileage.
Monte: Getting big 64 ounces of coffee.
Chris: I start seeing like signs in the back of trucks saying you can make 40 cents a mile. I’m thinking <slams fist on table> I’m already driving this much, why am I not getting paid? You know what I’m saying? So if I can combine semi-driving with rock, I could drive a truck drop the payload and go to a show. I would endorse that company is what I would do.
Monte: He said drop a payload. <everyone laughs> yeah.

PZO: Have u ever done anything to each other while the other was sleeping or passed out?
Chris: I don’t think we can really talk about that here.
Monte: Strike that last statement from the record please. <everyone laughs>
PZO: Are you serious?
Monte: No, no, no, no. Lets see, one time, well something got done too me, Eric Melin and Nick Colby from the Fakebook once we were in Kansas once, and they drank me under the table and I passed out. So to prove that they drank me under the table while I was passed out, they actually picked me up and put me under the table while I was passed out. So when I woke up I was actually under the table. Ha ha.
Chris: This didn’t happen to me but one time my little brother passed out in my room on the floor, not from drinking but he just feel asleep. I rolled him over onto the blanket and dragged him into the closet, and I shut the door and left him there all night. <laughter> Then I woke up about nine in the morning and he’s banging on the door and he feel down and like smacked his head. I would really like to do that to somebody again, that was fun.

PZO: Tell me about one of your favorite childhood memories?
Monte: Favorite childhood memory. I have a ton of unfavorite memories. I guess my favorite memory is when I was kissed on the lips by Laura Croft in second grade. Yeah, that was awesome. She was the hottest girl in school. That’s right second grade. <everyone laughs>
Chris: The first time I got kissed by a girl, I guess it was in the second grade, I was pissed I was so mad. But I think I was just embarrassed because then like two months later it was the coolest thing ever.

PZO: What is one thing you would like to change about the past?
Monte: One thing I want to change from the past is having been born. No, I don’t know. I don’t really think about the past.
Chris: The only thing I would change about the past is having Frank Zappa be elected President. That would probably change everything so much you wouldn’t need anything else.

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