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members present:
Efrem Shultz
conducted on:
April 2003
by: Nevra Azerkan
official website
shout-out to PZO


PZO: As a band, what do you think your best qualities are?
Efrem: My looks.
Efrem: With my looks and my talent I’m going to hold these guys hands all the way to the top.
Effrem: and also that we’re the most modest guys ever…uh I don’t know what was the question again? Best qualities? Our live show. We like to have a really good time and make sure everyone is having fun with us. To have fun, that’s our best quality.

PZO: Have your intentions changed since you started out, as far as why you wanted to be in a band?
Efrem: No. When we started, we wanted cocaine and hookers and we’re still trying to get them now, so our intentions haven’t changed much.
PZO: Oh.
Efrem: Nah, we’re trying to stay on the road as long as we can. We’re pretty much the same.

PZO: Is there a decision you hope you never have to make as a band?
Efrem: We’ve made a few of those already.
[The rest of the band was sitting in on the interview up to this point.]

PZO: As a band, what qualities would you like to improve?
Tour manager: The singer’s looks.
Efrem: Yeah, the singer’s looks. I guess our playing. If we keep practicing we’ll get better at what we’re doing and learn more. We learn as much as we can ‘cause we learn stuff from every band we play with. It’s pretty fun.

PZO: What is a common compliment people give you as a band and individually?
Efrem: Our live show. It’s just fun. You have a good time. That’s what we hear the most and that’s what we like to hear. We’re here to have a good time, you know? That’s the most common thing I hear.
PZO: Individually?
Efrem: We’re kind of all over the place. We’re uncoordinated in many ways. We’re a very disorganized group.

PZO: What event in your life had the greatest impact on you?
Efrem: The other day I was sitting at home and my friend called me to pick me up ‘cause Michael Jackson was next door to his his work at the Toys ‘r ‘ us. I was like, “What?!” He’s all, “Yeah, there’s cameras and big crowds.” Dude, seriously me and two friends we were drunk and we freaked out and got into the car and we seriously almost killed 7 people trying to get there; we ran all these lights. We got there and I’ve never felt like that ever, I was like shaking. “MJ!!!!!”
Efrem: There was a limo and he had the mask on and the umbrella-oh my god---and we ran up as fast as we could and we got to take a picture with him and we got our arms around him and he’s like, “You know I’m really not Michael Jackson, right?”
Efrem: We’re like, “What?” and he’s all, “Yeah, I’m an impersonator. We do this for fun.” I think that was the biggest event in my life. It has the most impact on me today.
PZO: That’s awful.

PZO: What is the best lesson you've learned?
Efrem: Don’t eat yellow snow. I can’t think of anything. I guess to make as many friends as you can ‘cause traveling and touring there’s a lot of shitty people out there, you know? Yeah.

PZO: Are there any bands that you admired until you saw them live?
Efrem: Let me think. The opposite of that happens a lot. Bands I don’t like, I like once I see them. The Beach Boys were pretty boring.
PZO: Really?
Efrem: Totally. I like the Beach Boys.
PZO: When did you see them?
Efrem: Years and years ago; many years ago. Like 10 years ago. I saw them and I was totally bored. Isn’t that funny?
PZO: Way.

PZO: What is the most misunderstood song lyric in your opinion?
Efrem: I’m trying to think. That’s crazy. When I talk to a lot of people, everyone song we have is about something different everywhere we go. It’s kind of funny, but I mean it’s open to interpretation. Our new record, reviewers are reviewing it right now and we have a song about the media and stuff. Somebody, somewhere at one point just decided it was about George Bush, so now everywhere I go people are like, “Dude, that one song about George Bush is crazy.” It’s called “Good Morning, America.” I guess it’s the misunderstood song-it really doesn’t have anything to do with George Bush. <laughs>

PZO: What band would you like to see back together?
Efrem: Ooh. I like to see Journey with the original singer back together. We listened to their greatest hits on the way over here.

PZO: What profession would you never like to try?
Efrem: Grave digging.
PZO: You know they don’t even need those guys anymore. They have the machines that practically do it all for them.
Efrem: Well, in that case the guy that drives around that sucks the shit out of port-a-potties. In the big trucks with the hose-at the Warped Tour we saw the guys doing that. That’s got to be a terrible job.

PZO: What's your favorite line from a movie?
Efrem: Favorite line in a movie…ummm. Let me think. Oh, in the movie Office Space. The guy Samir says, “This is a fuck!” That’s my favorite line.

PZO: What is one thing you would not do no matter how much money you were offered?
Tour Manager: Go straight.
Efrem: <laughs> Go straight, yeah. I don’t know. I’ve never gotten an offer that ridiculous.
Tour Manager: Tour with Jonah.
Efrem: Yeah, tour with Jonah from Far. You couldn’t offer me enough money to do that, so.

PZO: Do you have a favorite or memorable infomercial?
Efrem: Oh, there’s this new one right now with this guy named Esteban and he teaches you how to play the guitar.
PZO: OOH!!! I’ve seen that one!
Efrem: YEAH!! It’s SO good, dude.
PZO: With the hat and all!
Efrem: He’s scary too. You too can play the guitar for $100. It’s SO good. He’s my favorite. Esteban rules.

PZO: If you were to have your own 1-800 number, what would it be?
Efrem: <asks Paul what he would choose> 1-800-KillBean
PZO: Inside joke?
Efrem: Yeah, <laughs> I guess.

PZO: What's something mean you would like to do to someone, but never had the guts to do?
Efrem: Mean, huh?
PZO: Yeah
Efrem: There’s things we’re ready to do, but have not done yet. We were just discussing earlier there’s a website called DogDoo.com where you can order dog shit gift wrapped and send it to people you don’t like. We were just talking about doing that. I guess that’s something mean I haven’t done yet, but I have the guts.

PZO: If you could be a statue, what would your pose be?
Efrem: I guess it would be the metal horns in the air. \m/
PZO: That works.

PZO: What questions are you tired of being asked in interviews?
Efrem: “How’s you get your name?”
PZO: That’s the main one?
Efrem: Yeah.
PZO: No other ones?
Efrem: I think that’s the top one. We get it pretty much every time. I’d figure by now people would know.

PZO: What question would you liked to be asked?
Efrem: What’s the most I’ve masturbated in one day.
PZO: Go ahead and answer it.
Efrem: Eleven times.

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